60th post!

Solofest: i have decided that i don't give a s*** about it. i am going to play what I can. If my performance happens to completely not represent all of my practicing, thought and skill that has gone into it and how great I can actually make it sound AND how I can follow all of the "music rules" at once and if I make mistakes that I have never made before ever and have all my former mistakes done so well that they don't know how hard i've worked to correct them and happen to have a bad tone that morning because the amount of chapstick i have on isn't perfect enough to get my lips in between "papery dry and slippy" and "slippily coated in chapstick" and if I start warming up 1/2 way through the peice so I become out of tune with the piano or if I roll my flute a fraction of an inch in or out so that I become flat or sharp to the piano and if i run out of breath at a random spot in the piece because i feel particularly asthmatic that morning or forget to breath because of my nerves or just plain forget to breath AND if I get an really painful itch and I lose concentration for a second and screw up a few notes and get lost and start playing so loud at the start that I don't leave enough room for other dynamics and I start coughing in the middle of the solo or a dry mouth or tickle in my throat and have to stop and get counted off for it and my hands get hot and sweaty because i'm nervous and my embroture is slipping and I have to readjust my hands and I get counted off for slipping THEN I DON'T CARE. I DON'T CARE THAT MY WHOLE BAND GRADE IS GOING TO SLIP AND LOWER MY GPA AND HOURS AND HOURS OF PRACTICE WILL BE WASTED JUST FOR A 15/30 "POOR" AND THAT I CAN'T TAKE PERSONAL PRIDE AND SATISFACTION IN THE RELATIVELY PRETTY PIECE OF MUSIC I'VE LEARNED HOW TO PLAY. I DON'T CARE THAT ALL MY BROTHER EVER GOT WAS "SUPERIORS" AND MY PARENTS WILL BE HORRIFIED WHEN THEY SEE MY SCORE AND MAKE ME PRACTICE A BUNCH EVERYDAY WHERE THEY CAN SEE ME. I DON'T CARE IF MY SKILL IS UNDERREPRESENTED IN ANYWAY AND THAT I MIGHT JUST CRACK UNDER THE STRESS AND WRITE SOME SORT OF COOKY ENTRY ON MY BLOG. (oops i already did.)

as you can see, it's relatively hard not to care about solofest. i wish i didn't give a s***. but the band department has made that extremely difficult. And like almost all of that is practically out of my freaking control! though my life is going to improve by like 90% once it's over. wow, just writing in all of those caps makes me feel like i was yelling. my throat hurts now!
I actually can speak even though throughout the day my ability to speak has been hindered. I talked plenty at lunch because it's hard not to but i paid dearly for it in LA because my throat hurt like hell.

on a happier flute note (haha punny), i just was taking a break from my solo and started doing improvisation and I ended up pacing around the room, playing this awesome made up song that went on for like four minutes. i love it so much! I wish I had saved it and recorded it. I wasn't paying attention to what notes I was playing, some of them weren't even legit notes, or at least not the most commonly used fingerings. It just came so easily without thinking! that is what matters to me about playing flute, not trying to remember: rhythm, dynamics, fingerings, tone, breath, tonguing, tempo, key and key change, etc. etc. etc. all at once and still trying to make something sound pretty.

I want to draw people! I want to go outside! It's so nice out! I want to go the library! I want to take pictures of the pretty meltiness! no maggie, you fool! *whiplash* go back to your solo piece or yull taste my fist, maggot!

.....

The bad guys in books! they're all so stereotypical! Even in the good ones! (though lord of the rings gets creativity points for the floating eye dealy)

Most of them are men! just plain and simple! Look, sauron/saruman, Saint Dane, Cluny the Scourge, Voldemort, Samus, Dom Daniel, Count Olaf, James, Prince Humperdink, Count somebody from the Lioness Quartet, Makepeace/Nuada, Jon Spiro, King Galbatorix, Long John Silver, Adderhead, capricorn, . Just off the top of my head! And a few of these dominate whole series's with their evilness. I'm not even counting movies. BTW vampy books and Amelia Atwater-Rhodes books in general get a pat on the back because they do NOT have this typical evil bad guy. oh and in like most Alex Rider books they have these guys. i won't name them all.

and then theres the women evil people. Something they all have in common is they're young, beautiful and fashy or old and have like warts or something. Usually they're all like Julia Rothman from Scorpio, fashy and rich. tyyyppiiicall and they're carry out their plans in a sing-song voice, checking their nail polish as they order people's deaths. not cool. But they're definitely not as much of them as all of the stoopy men.

I ADMIT I AM EVEN GUILTY OF THE TYPICAL EVIL GUY STEREOTYPE. I have Methusalah, who is the leader of... well... the Assassins of Methusalah or whatnot. and I <3 him. Everybody needs an EXTREMELY manipulative, persuasive, old, cloaked, smart, sadistic guy leading their assassin cult-thing. I mean this guy is OLD, i think he has be carried to his little throne dealy every day by two people. anyway, i'm trying to break some stereotypes on this guy. I sort of think enough of my other bad guys are different enough.

and then theres the evil people in realistic fiction. two rules apply. they need to be the same gender as the main character/protagonist and the same age or older than them. noof seyad.

disclaimer: there are many exceptions, don't get me wrong.

anyway. guys have completely dom'd over politics, get them the heck out of being the only antagonists (the coolest people in books anyway) i'll ever get to read about.